I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
