The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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