So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
