dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
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