ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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