Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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