dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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