So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
