this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I touched a dick in church today
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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