I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
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