How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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