im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
