is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
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