Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
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I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
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Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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