My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
