I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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