apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
