this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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