never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
