so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
His hands were made for my vagina.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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