Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
