i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
What a dumb baby whore.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
