I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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