Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
