Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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