I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
