I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
