It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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