His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
