He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
