Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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