it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Is it because I queefed?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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