Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
