she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
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We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
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she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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