Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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