I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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