you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
