Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
