Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
