they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
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She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
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Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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