At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
This gyro tastes like lonliness
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
