I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
