i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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