the new term for farting is butt boxing.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
