so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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