Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.