Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped