I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
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I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
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You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.