My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
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her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
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I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something