you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
25 True Facts That Sound Fake AF
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
27 Hairstyles That Always Come With A Matching Personality
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.