thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.