The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize