i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
