"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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