he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
i think i just lost a toe
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
