i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I think your dad took our porno
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
