kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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