im drinking this country out of the recession.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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