Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
