Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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