you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
