Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
