Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
