no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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