why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize
