were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
