Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(404): View more from Georgia

Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?

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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?

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(620): View more from Kansas

I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs

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(708): View more from Illinois

We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.

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(415): View more from California

When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"

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(615): View more from Tennessee

You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.

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(713): View more from Texas

We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.

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(630): View more from Illinois

Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own

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(256): View more from Alabama

You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets

(1-256): View more from Alabama

I vaguely recall french fries...

(256): View more from Alabama

You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"

(1-256): View more from Alabama

Sweet...

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