some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I forget how to act sober
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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